To Remember
by Raineey
Summary: Casey wants only one one thing, to remember. This is a Dasey, of course. My first fanfic. Please read and review


To Remember

This is my first Fanfic. I would really appreciate you reviewing. I am not usually comfortable sharing my work with others so this is a big step for me. However, I do wish that you be honest. Tell me what you think, and don't worry about hurting my feelings. Every writer can use constructive criticism. That just means that I have something to work on with the next story.

Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Life with Derek.

Casey McDonald sat on her bed staring at the wall. To anyone who passed her room and looked in on her it appeared as if she was just staring at her dresser. Only she knew the real reason why she kept her eyes glued to that one special place. Tucked deep behind her jewelry and books sat a picture frame that was only visible from her bed.

It was a picture of her best friends just like every other one she had plastered around her room. But, this one was different. This one had been taken by a stranger when they went to the lake last summer. They were relaxing in a paddle boat, soft drinks in hand. Emily and Sam were sitting on the back, turned around peering over the front with big smiles on their faces. Casey sat in the front beside Derek, his arm wrapped around her waist pulling her close. That day had been awesome.

For one day they could be just who they were, two teenagers in love. For once the world did not know who they were and would voice no opinion of them. For once they had spent the day with one another and the two people who could care less whether or not step-brother and step-sister were together. They only cared that finally, Derek and Casey were together. For once they were far away from the ridicule that would be inflicted upon them if only their hometown knew. She would give anything to go back to that day and feel those emotions again. She would give anything to hold him in her arms just one more time.

A soft knock echoed around her room and she held her breath. If she didn't answer they would leave her alone. They would assume she was sleeping and tiptoe quietly away. To her amazement the door creaked open and her little sister stuck her head in. "Case," she whispered. Casey remained quiet her eyes still fixed on that one spot. Lizzie walked over and sat down on the bed maneuvering around Casey's cast. She looked at her sister and immediately noticed how empty she looked. She wore no make-up to hide the ugly bruises that still remained and her hair desperately needed washing. Tearstains covered her pale cheeks and the sparkle was gone from her big blue eyes. "Casey, what's wrong? Please tell me."

Casey stared at her in amazement. Lizzie was shocked when she whispered, "you know what's wrong. You know as well as I do. This house will never be the same again." "Case, he's gone. He's not coming back. I'm sorry but he was just Derek. You two fought like cats and dogs, you hated each other. Why are you acting like this?'' Tears filled Casey's eyes, _oh if she only knew. If she only knew how much we loved each other. I never hated him. I loved him. _" Liz, I didn't hate Derek." ''Well, I mean I know you didn't hate him. But he drove you crazy. I mean, we are all devastated that he's gone, but I just don't understand. I mean I know why mom is trying to act like everything's okay. I know she is trying to stay strong for George, and she is trying to let Edwin and Marty know it will be okay again, someday. And, George lost his oldest son. I can understand why he is throwing himself into his work. Ed isn't acting right; he has not tried to spy on anybody for weeks. And, Marty walks around the house asking when her Smerek is coming home. But you, you I don't understand. You have locked yourself in this room for the past two weeks and not let a soul see you. You are losing weight and you're making yourself sick. Why? At least let me know, try to understand. I lost Derek too, I can't lose you." Casey sighed as she cried. "Lizzie, I wish you could understand. I really do, but you can't. No, no, I am glad you have no clue. I hope you never have to understand or feel what I feel. It was my fault he died! It was all my fault! It was my fault we were on that road at that time that day! IT WAS MY FAULT THAT DRIVER HIT US!" ''Case, it wasn't. It wasn't your fault. And, it wasn't his fault. It was an accident. A stupid, stupid accident. It was the drunk driver's fault. It was not your fault." Casey cried harder and gripped her pillow. Lizzie leaned in to hug her and felt a tear roll down her own cheek when she felt her sister stiffen up.

She turned to the direction Casey was staring and saw her entire family gathered around the doorway. Marty rushed in and ran to Casey. She crawled up on her lap and said, "Casey, please don't cry." Casey just cried harder. George looked scared to death. _Derek hated girls crying. He would run away every time a girl cried, except me. He would hold me, and comfort me. He would not leave me until I was okay. Where is he now? I need him to hold me now? Why isn't he here with me? Why aren't I with him? _Nora walked over to her daughter and enveloped her in a hug. Edwin walked over and sat down on the bed next to Lizzie pulling her close as she cried. "Casey baby, please don't cry. Mama hates it when you cry. Let us help you. Tell me what you are feeling. Let us help relieve the pain." "YOU CAN'T RELIEVE THE PAIN. YOU CAN'T HELP ME. HE IS DEAD. IT IS MY FAULT. AND, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER IT. I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST THING I SAID TO HIM. WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER? I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE. YOU WENT OFF AND BURIED HIM, I DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE!" "Casey, he was dead. You were in the hospital. We weren't even sure if you were going were going to wake up and survive. You were in a coma. We would have waited for you if we could. But, we couldn't. We had to do what was best for him, and for the rest of the family. We had to go ahead and bury him. The school waited to hold the memorial service. They waited to see if you were going to get better or not. They waited until the students could think clearly again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry baby girl." "Mommy, I just want to see him one more time. I just want to remember the last thing I said to him. That's all I want. I know we were talking. I know we were laughing. I saw the pick-up truck coming at us. I screamed. I remember saying something before we hit. I remember him saying something back. I don't remember what. We were flying and crashing. The world was spinning. Everything was loud and chaotic and painful. And then nothing, nothing at all. It was all quiet. Everything went black. I didn't even get to say goodbye. And, I know I said something. I know he said something back. But, I can't remember what. Mommy, I just want to remember." Nora's heart broke as her oldest daughter sobbed those words. She held her tight and let her cry until she fell asleep whispering, "I know baby girl, I know," over and over again.

Days passed and Casey remained withdrawn. She wouldn't answer the phone when Emily called. She would eat only enough to keep her mom happy. Her leg ached from where it had been broken. The stitches and bruises faded, but the memories remained. The memories plagued her over and over again, like a bad movie. She was stuck in the worst part of the film and somebody kept hitting the rewind button. Around her neck on a chain was a locket that had somehow survived the crash. Inside the locket was a picture of her and Derek from happier times. She wrapped herself up in his hockey sweatshirt when her family left for school and every afternoon before the bus got there she would remove it and stash it under her bed until night. Every night she would put it on and once again he was holding here. Only for a few short hours a night she was wrapped in his arms again. She was safe where she belonged. But, eventually nighttime faded and the morning sun broke through. Every morning it was tougher and tougher to live another day without him. She thought about being with him constantly. She even planned out ways to join him. But, every time she thought that the moment had come a voice somewhere deep inside her asked her to wait just one more day; a voice that sounded strangely like Derek.

"Case," her mom said walking into her room. The principal just called. He said they missed you at school and wished you would return. They have waited long enough. They are going to do his memorial service Friday afternoon. They want us to be there, all of us. You will be going with us." "No mom. You don't understand. I can't, I just can't. I can't say goodbye. He can't really be gone. He is going to come back and hold me." "HE'S GOING TO COME BACK AND DO WHAT?" "Mama, he is got to come back and hold me. He is the only one that could make me feel complete. Without him I can't survive. Without him, I don't even want to survive." "Casey, were you and Derek dating?" "Yeah mama, we didn't want you and George to know. It wasn't wrong. We weren't related, not by blood. We were afraid you wouldn't approve. We were afraid you would separate us. It was so much easier to carry on a secret relationship for a year and a half then it was to think about being separated. We didn't want to have to live without each other. I never wanted to be without him." "Ooh, baby girl. I'm so sorry. So very very sorry."

Nora walked down the stairs to where George was sitting on the couch. Marty was curled up in the corner asleep with her dolls surrounding her. Edwin was watching TV and Lizzie was leaning up against the couch with homework spread out around her on the floor. Derek's chair remained empty. Nobody had dared sit in it since the accident. "George, I think we found the source of our problem with Casey." He stared at Nora questioningly waiting for her to continue. "Casey and Derek were dating. They didn't want us to get mad at them and separate them. So, they hid their relationship from us for a year and a half. I can't believe they were able to pull that off. Casey is a horrible liar. She must have really loved him in order to be able to lie to us all, especially Lizzie, for that long. And, judging by the expression on Lizzie's face I know she didn't know. Casey feels lost without him. She doesn't know what to do, or where to turn. Is this ever going to end?" "I don't know Nora. I don't know. It doesn't seem like it is ever going to be okay again."

Friday came quickly and still Casey refused to go to the memorial service. Edwin got up that morning announcing that he was going to begin to clean out Derek's room. Lizzie looked at him like he was crazy. Nora was afraid that it would hurt Casey even more, but Edwin was Derek's brother. If Edwin needed to clean out his room in order to grieve she couldn't say no. George and Nora quickly agreed that if Edwin wanted to clean out his room he could. The memorial service was scheduled to start at one and everyone was struggling to get ready when Edwin came running through the house. "Dad, Nora, Lizzie, look what I found!" They all ran quickly to him and gathered around him. In his hands he held a small DVD case with a note that read, "If you find this give it to my Princess." Nora felt a tear slide down her cheek as she said, "well, maybe this will contain the closure she has been needing." "Mom, can I take her to her? Can I please take it to her?'' Lizzie asked. Nora quickly looked at George and he nodded. "Yeah, go ahead sweetie."

"Case, it's me. Lizzie. Can I come in?'' Hearing no answer she opened the door and walked in. Her sister lay in Derek's sweatshirt on her bed with pictures from years past scattered all around her. "Case, Ed found this in Derek's room. It's for you. I think you should watch it." Slowly Casey nodded. "Do you want me to put it in the DVD player for you?" Again Casey nodded without saying a word. "Do you want me to stay with you?" Softly she said, "No, let me do this alone." Lizzie nodded and turned to leave tears filling her eyes as she absorbed her sister's current state. Casey had always been so feminine and strong. She believed that anything a guy could do she could do ten times better. She was the over-achiever and the prep. She was a drama queen. She drove everybody in the house crazy. But, she was Casey. It wasn't the same in the house without Casey and Derek. The house was annoyingly quiet and empty. The house was missing its soul.

Casey watched with tears pouring down her cheeks as Derek's face came on the screen. He said, "Hey princess. My princess. You know I don't do this whole lovey dovey emotional thing with anybody but you, and only when I have to. Today I feel like I have to. I know you and I know that if anything ever happens you will be devastated. Knowing you, you will probably lock yourself in a room and withdraw from everybody around you who wants to help you. Knowing you, you might think for a while you can't handle it and shouldn't be here. But, baby girl you can. Remember that I love you, and I always will. Remember that you have a life to live and you should live it to the fullest. Don't throw away your future because it might not be with me. I know that if you are watching this I am no longer with you. I mean what other reason would they have for looking in the deepest, darkest corner underneath my bed. Nobody would dare set under there unless they had to. I want you to know that you are never fully without me. I live through you and through the memories you have of me. When you need me just touch your heart and I will be there. Go for your dreams. Don't let anything or anyone stop you. Figure out what you want in life and reach it. Don't stop until you get to the top. Find a good man, a man that will take care of you like I wish I would have been able to. Don't deny yourself a husband and children because of me. I will see you again someday, and I will meet your wonderful, beautiful, brilliant offspring. I don't know what happened or why I am not with you. I don't know if we were together or apart when it happened. But knowing you, whatever happened you will believe is your fault. It's not. It never was and it never will be. I know that right now. If you were hurt, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up and I'm sorry I'm not there now. But whatever happened know that I love you. The last words out of my mouth before I leave this Earth should have been I love you. I know I didn't say it before. I guess I thought you knew. I was scared to admit that I had fallen deeply in love with you. I am not a one girl, in love type of guy. At least I wasn't, until I met you. You changed me Casey Elizabeth McDonald. You made me a better man. And, know that my love for you remains until we meet again. Got to go now Spacey, I can't take this sappiness much longer. But, remember what I said. Get up out of that bed that you are so pitifully laying in and get on with your life. That's an order, Princess." Tears filled her eyes as she stared at his handsome face once more. All at once it all came back to her. She threw the covers off of her legs and winced as her bare foot hit the cold floor. For the first time in weeks she was actually headed downstairs. She grabbed at her crutches and started the journey towards the rest of her life.

Everyone looked up in shock when she appeared at the top of the stairs. George rushed to the top and carried her down to the couch quickly. She wore a pair of old blue jeans, a pair of flip-flops and Derek's hockey jersey. Around her shoulder was her purse. Tears glistened in her blue eyes making them sparkle once again. "Casey, you're up," Nora said. Everyone anxiously awaited her next move. She smiled hesitantly and said the words they all ached to hear. ''I remember. I remember what happened. Before we hit I yelled Derek help us and he said we'll be okay. And, then after we stopped flying and rolling before everything went black I heard him say I love you. For the first time in his life Derek Venturi actually told someone he loved them and meant it, and it was me. I think we have enough time to get to the memorial service. He left me a video. He told me it was time to get up out of bed and move on with the rest of my life. That's what he wanted me to do, so that is what I am doing. I remembered."

Don't forget to review please.

Raineey


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